At some point past my bedtime, the former child Internet sensation knocked out the former UFC champion in a pay-per-view boxing match. Even though I’m washed, as the kids would say, I stayed up late Saturday night and paid good money that my employer will reimburse to try to understand the whole fuss about this Logan Paul guy. Err, I mean, Jake Paul.
Whatever. I just learned what a Jake Paul was this year, and apparently he has a brother, who is supposed to be a Logan. They used to make funny videos on YouTube and Vine — at least that’s what my token Young Person, Tramel Raggs, tells me. Along the way, the 20-something-year-old brothers manufactured a few controversies: One of the Pauls posted video of a dead body, the other said a word he had no business saying in a freestyle rap, and now they’re both trying to be serious athletes by taking on people my age in the boxing ring.
It has been working out, their hostile takeover of the sport. The Paul brothers may be out of my demographic, but the millions who follow their exploits and pay to watch their fights can’t all be wrong. Besides, every older generation looks down on the current one with disdain and thinks theirs was somehow less vacuous.
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The truth is, my generation begot Paris Hilton. Although O-Town had a bop once, they were just as prefabricated as today’s TikTok influencers. And we may try to forget how we hyped Sebastian Telfair as the next great high-school-to-pros phenom, then piled on when his career didn’t exceed our expectations. We all have some skeletons in our generational closets.
The Pauls may eventually lose their sizzle when the next pretty young thing on the Internet goes viral, but for now they’re mastering the cultural playbook: Get famous for doing … something, then troll your way into the mainstream and force outlets such as ESPN to pay attention.
People over the age of 40 — or anyone who has to Google “Who are the Island Boys?” — just might be missing an important cultural moment. So that’s why I tuned in as Jake Paul — I’m pretty sure it was that one — fought Tyron Woodley in their much-publicized rematch. I dropped $59.99 for the Showtime stream and enlisted Tramel, my favorite millennial, to share Twitter accounts I needed to follow while watching the fight. I wanted to be hip and take this in with an open mind — and hopefully open eyes because, remember, I’m old and I need sleep.
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As the main event on the fight card, Paul-Woodley II filled up Amalie Arena in Tampa. This being Florida, masks were optional or, better yet, obsolete. Thousands of people crammed next to one another in this indoor space even though the coronavirus continues to surge and NFL, NHL and NBA games are getting postponed. If the fight turns out to be the last big sporting event of the year, then what a great representation of sports in 2021 — especially because it ended as a meme.
Four months ago, the 39-year-old Woodley — he was a welterweight UFC champion once but now is long past his prime — lost his boxing debut and promised he would get an “I Love Jake Paul” tattoo if Paul gave him another shot. Woodley got the ink, on his middle finger, but didn’t get the rematch. Paul chose Tyson Fury’s less famous sibling instead. But when Tommy Fury pulled out because of a medical condition, Woodley stepped in on less than two weeks’ notice.
That’s probably not enough time to train for a boxing match, but it’s plenty to become a joke on the Internet.
The fight started with both men making business decisions. Instead of throwing punches, Paul often wrapped his arms around Woodley. Rather than boxing, Woodley instinctively tried a wrestling maneuver to take down Paul. More lousy boxing continued for several more rounds, and Paul, who bills himself as a disrupter of the sport, looked as if he was more fit to be a professional hugger. But in the sixth round, past midnight, it happened: the moment Twitter was waiting for.
Paul knocked Woodley out cold, and the reactions on social media poured in. Then Logan appeared next to his brother, making an exaggerated expression of shock while updating Woodley’s status: “He’s dead! He’s dead!” Then Jake instructed Logan how to take a photo of him: “Do one vertical!” Then ringside reporter Ariel Helwani asked Jake, “Is this real life?” Then a lot more people came into the ring to get content.
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Woodley left the arena with the bag he so clearly wanted, though hopefully the money was worth his dignity. The Pauls — pick one — left with more clout than ever. And us old folks watching at home, who have never clicked, liked or subscribed to their YouTube channel … we were left with the vision of what’s to come in sports. Please wake me up when it’s over.
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